“But Do You Want It More Than Me?”
February 4, 2022
With my baby fast asleep in his crib, I took my post at the kitchen sink. Elbow deep in dish soap, bottle pieces, and pump parts, the evening was silent around me, yet within, I experienced no calm. As I scrubbed, I prayed. This particular day I was beseeching the Lord about something I thought I needed.
(Here’s a bit of context for today’s story: For 27 years, my identity had always revolved around being a singer - The latter half, specifically, a worship leader. I didn’t know who I was without that label. We had just recently switched to a new church just south of Nashville, you know, the town where everyone is a singer. Along with the location comes a large talent pool. Our new church’s worship team had an emphasis on excellence, and I knew I wanted to be a part of that. With some trepidation and intimidation, I decided to dip my toes in the deep end and set up an audition. The night before my audition is where our story picks up.)
Standing at the sink, as I scrubbed and rinsed the piles of baby gear, I begged God. “Please God, I need this. My audition has to go well - I need to be on this team. Without singing, I’m nothing. I want to serve you and use the gifts/talents that you gave me. I know this is what I need. This is what I want. Please, God!”
It wasn’t an audible voice from heaven that I heard, but a response hit in my spirit, reverberating like a gong. “I know you want this. But do you want it more than you want me?”
Those words are etched into my memory because yes, I did want a spot on the team more than I wanted Him. My position before man was more important than my position before God. Being his child wasn’t good enough. My life was obsessed with self. Consumed with being seen and known. Afraid if I wasn’t visible, I wasn’t valuable. My sin was self. I was in bondage - a slave to needing recognition. I can tell you from experience, that is an exhausting way to live. No peace can be found there.
It still rears its ugly head from time-to-time - threatening to shackle me again, but, Thank God, freedom is available.
Freedom
Jesus’ words - they always strike a resounding chord. In John 8:34-36, 38 he says, “‘Truly I tell you, everyone who commits a sin is a slave to sin. A slave does not remain in the household forever, but a son does remain forever. So if the Son sets you free, you really will be free! … I speak what I have seen in the presence of the Father; so then, you do what you have heard from your father.’”
My sin was self - desiring my glory above His.
Each of us is born into a broken sin nature. And yes, we got this pattern from our fathers, who got it from their fathers, who got it from the OG, Adam (more on this concept of Federal Headship here). I’ll say it again: We are all born slaves to sin. For me, it’s making self and idol. For you, it may be something completely different. Our fate lies in what we choose to do about that. Are we content being in bondage to the patterns we have formed? If so, then we remain slaves to sin. Or, as we talked about last week, do we truly want to get well? This is where we become free in Christ.
“For freedom, Christ set us free. Stand firm, then, and don’t submit again to a yoke of slavery.” Galatians 5:1
Scripture is black and white on the matter. We are either “children of God (Jn 1:12)” or we are “of our father the devil (Jn 8:44).” Startling words, I know. Jesus was known to draw a hard line and determine who was for him and who wasn’t. Those who are for Him are the ones who know they need saving. Those who, in repentance, admit that they want to be well.
Peace
Choosing your sin will never bring contentment. It will always leave you wanting more and more, never satisfying. However, along with freedom in Christ comes peace. It feels hard to image accessing true peace in post-covid America where poverty is rising and morality is shrinking, where our culture has absolutely no shame and no concept of absolute truth, where there is suffering and confusion. Is peace available even here?
“Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you. I do not give as the world gives. Do not let your heart be troubled or fearful.” John 14:27.
Jesus assures us that the key to peace is not letting our hearts be troubled or fearful. We can live free of fear because we know the end of the story. We know Christ has defeated sin and death, and He has given each of us a part to play - a purpose. We can stand in freedom and in peace knowing that, after we have run the race, we will rest with Him in paradise.
Oh, and friend, if your struggle is similar to mine, I want to remind you… Don’t be troubled or fearful - don’t be motivated by the fear of insignificance, fear of being unseen or invaluable. You are already loved, you are already seen, and you are already known by God. All He has is available to you, child (Luke 15:31). You are a child of the King: an heir of God and a co-heir with Christ which means you get to enjoy the fullness of Christ’s inheritance. As His child, you get the privilege to cry out to your Abba, Father. It’s not your achievements that earn His love - His favor is unmerited, and it’s lavished on you.
Reflection & Application
This area is set aside for some personal reflection. Let’s work through God’s Word together and apply it to the sin in our life we are desperate for freedom over. Grab a pen and notebook, and spend some time in Romans 8:12-17. I’ll list some reflection questions for you to pray through. I’d love for you to comment with something you learned!
The first step in going to the Word is prayer. Invite the Holy Spirit to give you wisdom which is a gift that he will give in abundance each time you ask! Spend a few minutes in prayer.
Pinpoint the sin you keep going back to, and let’s apply it to this passage with the prompts below.
Verse 15 reminds us that we are adopted by God into His family! Our old life is wiped out, our debts are eradicated, and we don’t have to live as slaves to fear. What keeps you going back to that old sin? What’s your motivation? Paul explains fear as a motivator. Maybe it’s a fear of not measuring up, not being in control, not being seen, not being accepted… What is it for you?
Not only does He adopt us as children, He says we are heirs to carry His legacy and represent Him to the world. Consider this issue you want freedom over. How effectively do you represent God while entangled in that sin?
This passage reminds us, as children of God, you have access to the Father. Access to cry out to Him. You don’t have to stay trapped by these deeply-rooted patterns that entangle you. The Spirit inside of you - that same power that raised Jesus from the dead - can set you free! We are adopted as we are, but not left as we are. In humility, approach the throne of God and pray for this.
What is something you see about God in this passage? It can be something new he has illuminated or something you have previously known, but maybe you see it a little clearer. If you are feeling ambitious, why don’t you start a running list in your notebook, and add to it each time you read Scripture?
